Hogwart's First Ever Talent Show Extraganza
by Shannon Vega
Summary: On Hiatus...It’s Hary’s, Ron’s, and Hermione’s seventh year at Hogwarts and it’s time for Hogwart’s First Ever Talent Show Extravaganza. All your favorites are there and Albus Dumbledore is not dead. AU and Half Blood Prince did not happen. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_DISCLAIMER: If you think I own any of this, I would like to know what you are smoking and where I can get some as well. Obviously I own nothing you recognize, so please do not sue. Flames will be used to cook food for my family, constructive criticism and feedback will be used to improve the story. _

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**Hogwart's First Ever Talent Show Extravangza**

Chapter 1: Announcements

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The Sorting Hat had just finished sorting the students into their various houses when Albus Dumbledore slowly rose from his chair. The hall fell silent as his blue eyes sparkled mischievously. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. I hope that you have emptied your brains sufficiently so that we may fill them once again. And now, for a few announcements." He paused to consult a roll of parchment. "Once again, I must stress that the Forbidden Forest is off limits to all students. Our caretaker, Mr. Filch, has also asked me to remind you that the Third Floor is once again forbidden to all students unless you wish to suffer a long and painful death."

At the Gryffindor table, Ron, Hermione and Harry shared a conspiratorial grin. It was feeling like old times.

Dumbledore spared himself a quick glance to either side of himself and smiled. No one suspected a thing, he realized. "And in one last announcement, there will be a Talent Show Extravaganza the Friday before the Halloween Feast. Participation is mandatory for all staff and Seventh Year members of each House," his blue eyes were twinkling more than was usual even for Dumbledore, "and the winner or winners will of course win House points. I, of course, will not be participating as I will be one of the judges." He allowed himself a small chuckle. "Should you have any further questions, please speak with Sir Nicholas, who will be acting as a Master of Ceremonies."

As the Headmaster once again settled himself in his chair, a hush fell over the hall. "And now, let the Feast begin," he ordered as the plates magically filled.

At the Gryffindor table, Hermione, Ron, and Harry gaped at their Headmaster before turning their perplexed gazes on each other. "A talent show?" squeaked Harry.

Hermione reached for her pumpkin juice and took a long swallow, her throat suddenly dry. "But we don't have any talents," she whispered furiously, sneaking another glance at the high table. If the looks on McGonagall, Snape, Hagrid, and the other professors were any indication, not one member of the staff thought this was a good idea.

Ron shook his head. "Sure we do. Um, 'Mione, what's a talent show?"

Hermione glanced at Harry. Neither seemed to notice that quite a few of the Gryffindors were waiting for the answer to that one. "It's a show where students and faculty get up on stage and dance and sing and perform in front of the school." She sighed heavily and pushed away her dinner plate, suddenly not as hungry as she had been only moments before.

Ginny Weasley grinned and nudged Harry. "Looks like you'll be tripping the light fantastic," she whispered, enjoying the flush that tinged her boyfriend's ears.

Hermione sighed.

Harry grimaced and glanced at Ron, who'd suddenly gotten a very evil glint in his eyes. "Um, Ron, what are you planning?" he asked, regretting the question almost as soon as it was spoken.

Ron chuckled and rested his elbows on the table as he leaned towards his friends. "The perfect act. A tour de force." The red-haired young man was nearly rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Oddly, Harry and Hermione reacted similarly to their friend's glee.

"Uh-oh."

Ginny arched an eyebrow at her two older friends. "What do you mean, 'uh-oh'?" she demanded of Harry.

Hermione smiled at the younger woman. "What we mean is that Ron has an idea..." she began.

Harry's smile mirrored Hermione's, though he was trying to keep himself from getting jabbed in the ribs again by Ginny. "And we all know from experience that a Weasley idea is a dangerous thing."

Ron had the decency to laugh with his friends before splitting his attentions between his dinner and his latest paramour, another Gryffindor. Harry and Ginny, meanwhile, seemed to have made up from their nonexistent spat and were now engrossed in the kissing part of the phrase "kiss and make up." Which left Hermione to stare down at her plate of vegetables. Sighing, she speared a broccoli and lifted it to her lips.

Just another night at the Gryffindor table.

Now all she had to do was worry about the "Weasley Plan."

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Severus Snape was quietly fuming as he picked up his glass of gillywater. Damn Albus and his "bonding" activities. Personally he had absolutely no inclination with the seventh year students matriculating from Slytherin House this year. Nor did he wish to prance about a stage with his fellow teachers. As he sipped his gillywater, he was suddenly struck by the image of Draco Malfoy dressed in a nun's habit and singing "The Sound Of Music." Struggling not to choke, he quickly set his glass down beside his untouched dinner plate.

Perhaps this idea of a talent show might have some possibilities, he thought wickedly, allowing his black eyes to roam over the faces of the student body.

The possibilities for mayhem and hilarity seemed unlimited.

For the first time since Dumbledore had made his announcement, he allowed himself a small smile. And an uncharacteristically charitable thought to bounce around his overstuffed cranium: _Maybe Albus's idea wasn't completely mad._

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	2. Chapter 2

_DISCLAIMER: See chapter one. _

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you for reading and reviewing. As with all of my stories, responses to reviews is at the end. Thank you. And, please, if you like, please review. _

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**Hogwart's First Ever Talent Show Extravangza**

**Chapter 2: Gathering Supplies**

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Hermione stared at the trunk that the Weasley twins had sent to Ron to help with "The Weasley Plan" with a mixture of curiosity and horror. It seemed that Fred and George had sent anything and everything that might possibly be needed for a talent show (or, as she and Harry were calling it in hushed tones: "The Annual Talentless Show").

There were candies which doubled as fireworks. Novelties that made you sound like an animal. And numerous and varied other items that had Hermione rubbing that spot at the bridge of her nose in pain. Whatever Ron had planned, and he had not yet explained the master plan, it was apparently requiring the full inventory of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.

"Ah, they came!" crowed Ron, careening down the winding staircase from the boys' dormitory much to the chagrin of a bundle of third years who had to flatten themselves to the wall to avoid being flattened by the redhead.

Hermione frowned but decided against scolding her fellow seventh-year. "Are you trying to set up a secondary location of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes at Hogwarts?" she asked, motioning to the four additional trunks that she had not yet opened.

Ron shook his head and plunged his hand into the open trunk, pulling out a handful of candy. "Nope. But we've gotta win." He quickly unwrapped one of the sweets and popped it into his mouth, only to make an "O" a moment later and expel a puff of cinnamon-scented smoke as the sweet exploded.

Hermione ducked behind the trunk, missing the majority of cinnamony shrapnel, and slowly straightened, looking at the startled face of her friend. His face was covered with a reddish soot and he was coughing softly, waving his hands at the cloud of cinnamon hovering in front of his mouth. "And your face exploding is going to help us in what way?"

Ron held up a finger to request a moment and cleared his throat. He made a sound, testing to see if his voice had been changed by the exploding candy, and grinned as he realized that his voice had not changed a wit. "Ah, 'Mione, it'll be grand. Just you wait. We'll win. You'll see." He had drawn his wand and was waving it at the trunks while he muttered a spell, the trunks lurching off the ground and towards the stairs. "Out of the way," he bellowed, following the trunks with a determined expression.

Harry, who had just descended the stairs, gaped at the flying trunks and ducked out of the way of Ron and his caravan. Looking to Hermione, he watched her shrug and start towards the portrait hole. He hurried forwards, falling in step with the brown-haired girl. "So, Hermione, have a good night's sleep?"

Hermione glanced at the spectacled wizard beside her and shook her head. "No. I was too worried about Ron's plan."

Harry nodded, rubbing the back of his neck as they hurried towards the great hall and breakfast. "He told me a bit of it," admitted the black-haired young man.

Hermione frowned. "And?"

Harry shook his head. "No. I'm not telling you anything until we've eaten."

The pair fell to silence as they entered the great hall and headed towards the Gryffindor table and their normal seats. Dropping onto the long bench, they began to dish food onto their plates, their attentions turned entirely to the feeding of their bellies. Finally done, they pushed away their plates and looked at each other across the table.

"Well?" asked Hermione.

Harry nodded grimly. He took a breath. "He wants us to do a play based on a movie. His father found it and Ron watched it over the summer."

Hermione sighed. That didn't sound so bad. "What movie?"

Harry's skin had taken on a soft puce color. "Um…Moulin Rouge."

Hermione gaped at her friend. "Moulin Rouge? The musical?" Her voice had risen by increments as her eyes widened.

Harry shook his head. "It might not be that bad," he offered in a small voice.

Hermione rocketed to her feet and started towards the doorway, only coming to a halt when she slammed into something dark and solid. She rocked back, looking up, to find herself face to face with a sneering Snape. "Sorry, professor," she muttered.

Snape looked down at the head girl, a smirk on his face. "In a hurry?"

Hermione's brown eyes narrowed but she did snap out the phrase that came to mind. Instead she cleared her throat and nodded. Stepping around the potions master, she barreled out of the grand hall, determined to find Ron Weasley and kill him slowly.

Harry watched the brunette stomp out of the great hall and breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank goodness he hadn't told her that Ron had decided that the bookish Gryffindor would be the perfect Satine.

Or who would be Christian.

Oh, he wouldn't want to be Ron for all the gold in Gringotts.

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homeric: Snape with a plan is always a dangerous thing. So glad you like the characterizations. And, yes, everyone is doomed thanks to the golden trio. J

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